Round 2!

Week 8 Ultrasound

We've been anxiously awaiting this ultrasound since our first ultrasound at 7 weeks gestation (last week.) At our first ultrasound the nurse practitioner had a difficult time locating the baby in the embryonic sac, however, my hCG looked phenomenal so we were cautiously optimistic about yesterday's ultrasound. We all crossed our fingers and held our breath as we she started the ultrasound. Ovaries looked great, and the embryonic sac still looked fabulous and was appropriately sized. The nurse practitioner was still unsure of an area just on the edge of the embryonic sac, so she called the physician in to run the ultrasound. He's a wonderful physician, I understand why our IPs traveled from China to work with him! He looked at the area in question and quickly identified the yolk sac and fetal pole very happily implanted just where they should be. But the victory was short lived as the words, "Shoot, I hate it when this happens." slipped out of his mouth.

He explained that while the baby was well implanted and had all of his bits and pieces just where they should be, that he had no heartbeat. Due to what can only be chromosomal abnormalities, this little boy has appeared to stop developing. Honestly, I'm a little distraught, even after constant reassurance from the staff that there's nothing we could have done to prevent this. My heart is broken for the parents, though they seem to be taking it in stride and are feeling very confident about our next, and hopefully final, attempt.

There are many reasons I wanted to share this journey with everyone. First, infertility is an issue that we shouldn't be silent about. The amount of hurt and feelings of inadequacies that stem from infertility are things that we should be willing to build each other up about. Even though I know in my heart that there's nothing we could have done, or could have done better, to prevent the ending we got this time around it's still difficult to convince myself it's not my fault. I feel terribly guilty, and I know I shouldn't. I know even more that no one should suffer through any loss alone. I'm happy that we are sharing this journey, because I couldn't imagine mourning this loss and not having anyone know that he was there, he was real. I can't imagine how much more difficult it would be if he were my baby. I've said this many times but I will say it until my dying breath: please, please, please know that I am available to listen to anyone who feels like they need someone to reach out to.

Second, the more we talk about infertility and the choices and consequences it brings, the more we can normalize the actions of those seeking help to build their families. There is absolutely nothing shameful about seeking infertility treatments, or offering a helping hand to those seeking necessary third parties for their treatments.

At this time, all we can do is move forward and hope for success with our next attempt. The struggle with infertility is very real and is very much deserving of our attention and understanding. We're moving forward with our D&C procedure this weekend, a tender mercy I'm very grateful for. I couldn't imagine waiting to miscarry on my own knowing that the baby has already passed, a process that can sometimes take up to 5 weeks without medical intervention. Our coordinator believes it will take about 4 weeks for my blood to return to normal so we can restart with the preparations for a second embryo transfer. As always, positive thoughts and encouraging words are appreciated. Here's to round 2!

Week 7 Update

Today was an emotionally challenging day, to say the least. This morning I was so excited for our first ultrasound. The parents joined us via Skype for their first glimpse of their little boy. But as the nurse practitioner started the ultrasound, she quickly fell quiet and kept scanning the same area over and over. We all stopped talking and all I heard was silence. Silence. No heart beat that we'd all been waiting so anxiously for. The NP said she couldn't find a baby in the embryonic sac, and advised an hCG blood test to see if my beta levels were still progressing as they should. My coordinator reassured me as they were drawing my blood that he could just be very small or hiding on the edge of the sac, I am only 7 weeks along after all.

After an entire agonizing afternoon of waiting my hCG results came back... at a number so high their machine couldn't measure it (over 25,000)! We're taking this as an encouraging sign, because it shows that there is continued development, as well as a great sized embryonic sac. I'm hoping that we just have a hide-and-seek champion, or a very shy little boy, on our hands. We have another ultrasound scheduled for next Monday. Every day counts this early in the pregnancy, so he will be much bigger, hopefully, the next time we try to look at him. As always, I'm grateful for my sweet, supportive husband for being my rock. Here's to positive thoughts!

The Embryo Transfer (It's A....)

On Saturday October 3rd we completed our first, and hopefully only, embryo transfer. We transferred a very healthy 5-day old embryo, or a blastocyst. Now, since embryo transfers aren't exactly common place, most people don't know exactly how they work. So, I'll go over what preparation was needed for the embryo transfer and how the procedure itself goes.

We began our preparation all the way back in July, when I began taking daily prenatal vitamins, folic acid, and baby aspirin. Then in late August I began a daily subcutaneous injection of Lupron, a hormone that decreased my own production of estrogen to prevent me from ovulating. I always joked that they were giving me menopause some the Lupron stopped my own ovulation cycle. Every morning I injected myself in the belly with an insulin sized syringe. At the beginning of September I began taking Estrodiol, injectable estrogen, every Tuesday and Friday night. It's an intramuscular injection, so I need Jack to administer them since I couldn't reach easily on my own. When I had an ultrasound in mid dormer to check my uterine lining, it wasn't quite as thick as they wanted it to be, so they started me on Estrace. Estrace is a pill form of estrogen, and much to my dismay, I had to take it as a vaginal suppository every morning and night. It paid off, because my uterine lining quickly thickened just the way they wanted it to!

Left to right: Lupron, Estrodiol, and Progesterone

I stopped my Lupron injection a week before the transfer, and stopped taking the Estrace the following day. On Monday the 28th, I started taking Medrol, in pill form, twice a day. Medrol is a low dose steroid that suppresses the autoimmune response to lower the risk of my body rejecting the embryo. It also tastes like bile, it's literally the worst pill I've ever had to take. That Monday we also added a Progesterone intramuscular injection that Jack has to administer to me every morning. The Progesterone in oil is about as thick as penicillin, so I have to put a heating pack on my back and warm the Progesterone in my hands to make it easier to inject and prevent bruising. The next day, Tuesday the 29th, I started taking Azithromycin, an antibiotic, until the day of the transfer.

Finally,  transfer day! We went to the clinic a half an hour before the procedure where they gave me a Valium to make me sleepy and help me relax. Then they placed the microscopic embryo in my uterus with a little catheter, monitoring the placement with an tummy ultrasound. The embryo was so tiny you couldn't see it on the ultrasound, they had to check the catheter under a microscope to make sure the embryo was actually placed. The embryo they placed was a 5 day embryo that was, along with the other embryos, fully genetically tested so they could transfer the healthiest embryo and have a greater chance of success. That night I began an additional Progesterone vaginal suppository and started taking my Estrace morning and night again, luckily this time by mouth.

I have to continue most of my hormones until my 10th week of pregnancy. My intramuscular Progesterone injection every morning, my intramuscular Estrodiol injection every Tuesday and Friday night, vaginal Progesterone every night, oral Estrace morning and night, and of course, my prenatal vitamins, folic acid, and baby aspirin every day. It's a lot to keep track of, but it will be very worth it to see the look on the parents' faces when they hold their baby....

BOY!!!! for the very first time!

Ready, Set, GO!

Most of those around us are aware of our work with infertile couples. We've already participated in two egg donations that have resulted in successful pregnancies. It's such a special experience to be able to help others to build their families and we have loved every second of it! But now we get to help someone in a new way.

On March 31st I met with Tonya, an amazing woman who works for Utah Fertility Center where we've done one of our previous egg donations. She is such a warm and bubbly woman and is truly perfect for her job! We have met with her before while we were coordinating our egg donation, but this time there was someone else in the room: a sweet and loving couple that had traveled from China to work with Tonya and UFC. As we spoke and got to know each other the wife, who I'll refer to as IP Mommy, told me about her struggle losing previous pregnancies. Every loss was heartbreaking for them but the end result was even worse. Because of IP Mommy's miscarriages, there is too much scar tissue in her uterus for her to carry another baby of her own, a condition known as Asherman Syndrome. Both she and her husband, IP Daddy, want nothing more than to have a family together. I knew from talking to them how much having a child and a family of their own truly meant to them.

I wasn't the only prospective surrogate carrier they spoke with that day, there were two other selfless, wonderful women who they also interviewed. I'll admit I was very intimidated knowing that these other women were just as able and willing to help this couple, and I wasn't sure how I would stack up next to them. But I felt a special connection to this IP couple, and it appears that they felt it too, because the following night Tonya called to tell me "Congratulations! They would love to work with you." Hearing those words filled my heart with so much love and happiness for this couple! We have an extremely long and difficult road ahead of us, but I know every second will be worth it just to see their eyes light up when they see their child for the first time.

We had plans to move forward with our embryo transfer in June, but our IPs discovered that they were once again pregnant. They were hopeful that this would be their rainbow baby, but a few weeks later the baby was lost, only adding to the building scar tissue and further reducing IP Mommy's ability to carry any children. We were all heartbroken.

After IP Mommy had a chance to heal from her D&C, they were ready to restart the embryo transfer process. They've spent the past few weeks here in Utah, taking care of legal matters and completing her egg retrieval. We also enjoyed a lovely evening in Park City with our IPs, Tonya, and her sister where we were able to compare and contrast the cultures and upbringings we've experienced. They are truly wonderful and deserving people, and we couldn't be happier about our role in helping them to build their family. 

Because we want to help raise awareness about infertility, and fertility treatments and options, we will be sharing our journey with any who are willing to listen. We want everyone to know that there is something that they can do to help ease the burdens that others face, even just by being supportive and understanding. We welcome any and all questions or concerns; please don't be shy to speak up! We love and appreciate all the support we can get from those around us as we embark on this journey into the unknown. 

A Few Surrogacy Terms

Surrogacy is a foreign concept to most in our society. Many people are confused or unfamiliar with surrogacy and the processes behind it. Here I will define and clarify a few terms, and provide some answers to some common questions I have received about our surro journey.

"But, why are you selling your baby?" This is probably the biggest misconception we receive when it comes to surrogacy. I will not be selling anyone's baby, ever. This baby, or babies, will be 100% genetically the child, or children, or our intended parents. I will simply be an oven.

The term Intended Parents (IPs) refers to the parents, and in this case the biological parents, of the baby, or babies. Intended Mother (IM) refers to the mother, and Intended Father (IF) refers to the father. I'm referred to as the Gestational Mother (GM) or Gestational Surrogate (GS). We're participating in a Gestational Carry, as opposed to a Traditional Carry. In traditional surrogacy, the surrogate mother uses her own egg to create the embryo, giving her a biological tie to the baby. However, in Utah only gestational surrogacy is allowed, where an embryo is created with eggs and sperm that aren't genetically related to the surrogate in any way. The baby, or babies, I will carry will come from an embryo that was created with the eggs and sperm from our IPs.


I will update this post as I receive more questions or more terms need clarification. :)